List-post for busy moms:

5 Quick Ways I Stay Calm Throughout a Busy Day

An Average Wednesday

I make my way down the freeway to the high school gym to pick up our sophomore from basketball practice. Rain is coming down hard, traffic crawling. 

I glance at the dash- 4:30. 

Late, but not too bad… 

I preview the rest of the day: 

-Scan and email documents to client

-Get lasagna assembled and put in oven

-Help 2nd-grader with math homework 

-Take 7th grader to practice

That turbulent rumbling in my solar plexus- how will I get everything done on time? Have I forgotten anything? 

It can feel like a scene from “Fast and Furious”, Mom version.

The Overwhelm Becomes Familiar

It’s tempting to sort of plow through the day, keeping nose to grindstone in a “check that off the list” way while plotting a strategy for the next task. 

We can become so used to the fast pace and overwhelm that it feels normal.

But eventually the stress builds. Short-tempers, forgetfulness, and overwhelm sort of trickle out like water from tiny holes in the dam. 

And then Mama Bear goes from laidback to, well… grizzly. 

There are therapeutic ways to unwind and rejuvenate. Getting a massage, curling up on the couch with a good book, enjoying a night out with my husband.

Ahhh, indulgence. Truly divine and truly… RARE. 

But what do we do on average days? You know, typical days when we’re being pulled in a hundred different directions with no time to stop.

Is it possible to weave CALMNESS into the day in an easy way that’s not expensive or time-consuming and doesn’t require rescheduling or planning? 

Yes! 

Filling in the Gaps with Calming Thoughts

I’ve made it a habit to utilize short segments of time throughout my day. 

I’m talking about small gaps of time when I’m not scheduling an appointment with the orthodontist or trying to figure out another over-complicated math problem and mumbling to myself about the good ‘ol days when math actually made sense…  

GAPS:  driving, folding laundry, standing in line at Costco, sitting at the computer waiting for something to download. 

During a gap, I simply choose one of the five methods below to pivot from stress to a calmer mindset.  

Here they are: 

1. Name it

I choose a word that describes how I feel that very moment. “Overwhelmed” wins 8 out of 10 times. But also tired, frustrated, uncertain, deficient (of time and resources). 

Our thoughts and feelings impact our well-being. So, it’s important to pay attention to them. Often we navigate the day without even realizing how tense we are. Simply acknowledging a negative emotion can lessen its grip.

It can also be a bouncing-off point. Once I’m aware of a negative thought or feeling, I can state the opposite: relaxed, certain, sure-footed, plentiful. 

This shifts my focus to better feeling thoughts.

2. Let them figure it out for themselves

Being there for our kids is such a strong maternal instinct. When they’re babies, it’s up to us to remedy the crying. 

But my kids are older now. They don’t need me to fix everything.  

Whether it’s the second grader who complains about the kid she sits next to at school or our 17-year old who wants to earn extra money but whose schedule is already full with school and sports.  

I’ve found that often they just need to vent. So, I listen and express my faith in their own ability to find a solution. 

In the gaps, I remind myself that I don’t need to find solutions to all of my kids’ challenges. Encouraging them to figure things out on their own empowers them and frees me.

3. Count backwards 

Sometimes, I simply take a deep breath and count back from 20. 

Silently in my mind, I start at 20 and very slowly count down to zero.  Pace is key- I make it gradual and gentle, exaggerating the sounds and syllables of each word. That way, my mind relaxes as I count. 

If a random thought- I still need to sign up for a dish to take to the team potluck- pops in to my head in the middle of counting, I just start over. 

This is an easy way to rest my mind.

4. Day Dream

Yes, I said day dream. 

For a few minutes, I make a conscious effort to let my mind wonder about something I love, am curious about, or something I’d like to experience. 

You know, like you used to do when you were a kid gazing out the window of the family car or sitting at your desk in history class, bored. 

Long walks through the vineyard with my dogs, paddle boarding in Hawaii, designing my dream kitchen... 

Day dreaming eases tension and evokes happier feelings.

5. List what gets done without your effort 

Have you ever considered all the wonderful things in life that happen with little to no effort on your part? 

The pulsing of your heart, the sunrise, your car’s engine running smoothly, warm water from your showerhead… 

They seem ordinary until you stop and realize the quality they add to daily life. 

So, I like to make quick mental lists of things I benefit from that require no effort on my part. 

It fosters a habit of appreciation, which feels good. 

Back to Wednesday…

In front of the gym, I try to figure out why I’m seeing not one but three boys running toward my car: Son plus two friends.

They all pile in, dripping from the rain and smelling like high school boys do after a 2 hour practice. 

“Mom, can you give Dylan and Nick rides? They live really close, remember.” 

Yes, I remember. And, no, they don’t live really close. More like opposite direction. 

“Thank you,” they say in perfect unison. 

I glance at the time and quickly evaluate how this will impact the day’s tight schedule. 

The familiar tug-of-war creeps in. On one side, the urge to stress. On the other end, the desire for calm. 

As I pull out the parking lot, I take a deep breath and silently begin the slow decline that will take me to calm: 20, 19… 

I glance in the review mirror. Everyone’s earbuds are in, everyone staring at cell phones. 

Teenagers.

18, 17…

I can’t help but smile.